I do not write like my husband does, I am a little more on the deep side, so forgive me as I revel a bit in God's glory and his peace.
For quite a while, at least since this last May, I have been searching for answers, searching for understanding, going through an abyss of grief and wondering what it all means and why I have to go through it, and where was God in this journey I was to take, not of my choosing. For months I have been in my own dry desert, treking forward but with no feeling inside one way or the other that God was with me. I had to my amazement quit listening to him and myself, had stopped trusting in him and myself. This year was a year of change, all too much and all too soon, with no time to digest it all.
Here it is 8 months later. There was a bible study at one our churches. I had not attended one yet, mainly I did not know they were having them on Sunday after church, which is the only time I could attend, and it also meant that I did not join Don in his church for that day, but God was pushing me towards going to one of our smallest churches in a mid winter storm, snow blowing everywhere making it hard to see, but I still made it. It was in this bible study I was reminded of three men who were thrown in the fire and God, instead of plucking them out of the fire, instead of dousing the fire, walked with them and helped keep their clothes from catching fire. The point being, God walked with them, they were not alone. And so once again, I am reminded of God's love for his children, and once again reminded of his faith in us and how he works through others. It has not been easy living here in Dundee, it can be a little on the lonely side, at least for me it has been, which has left me more to think and ponder a bit.
I am reminded every week, living here among these people, of God's grace and mercy, his loving kindess and forgiveness. The grief I have felt this past year no longer tears at me. I have given that grief over to God and said to him once again, I do not know who to deal with this by myself, please help share with me this burden and graciously he has taken it once again upon himself to do just that.
How I have been feeling these last few days reminds me of a song that we have sung at church;
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart, a fountain ever springing! All things are mine since I am his! How can I keep from singing?
Blogged by Anna
2 comments:
Anna,
What a wonderful perspective on the Shadrack story. I'm sorry this time has been a challenge for you - particularly as you grieve long distance from family and dear friends. I pray that God will connect you with at least one new friend (outside your churches) with whom you can share your journey. I also pray that you fully sense the loving arms of Christ that always surround you.
Jon
Thank you for the reminder that God is With Us - truly, Emmanuel. I too have had my Desert days and cried out in grief and loneliness, and found it to be true that God doesn't "fix" the problem, but is right there with me, suffering and weeping with me, helping me to find the way through the desert.
I send you hugs, and would be there in person to share them if I could. Love you muchly!!
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